Guernsey

You cannot normally see it because it is covered with a cloud by Michael Fish when he delivers his nightly weather forecast. In fact "they" are covered, because Guernsey is only one of them: the Channel Islands.
Through a series of natural and unnatural disasters we did not, as planned, go to Turkey this year for our holiday. It was not just to avoid the judges having their mudbaths, though I am sure that many of them followed my example last year; that explains why judges have suddenly become more benign.
Guernsey is a treat for those tired solicitors who cannot face the ordeal of tail backs on the M25, hours at Heathrow, more hours on a cramped flight and then two weeks in a land where no one understands you and you don't wish to understand them.
You can get there from many regional airports. We chose Norwich, less than an hour's drive away, just over an hour's flight and in Guernsey we had reached Le Chêne hotel before we had coaxed our hired Ford Fiesta (bearing its distinctive H to show the world that we were tourists not natives) into third gear.
Yet you did get the feeling of going abroad. We had to go through customs. Many of the natives speak in strange dialects; and they do have their own currency - which we called the Guern.
Superficially Guerns look like our currency. They call themselves pounds and pences, but they are valueless outside Guernsey. It is a little like a black hole, because they suck in our ordinary money but give change in Guerns. The name of the game is to spend your Guerns as quickly as you can and empty your pockets at the airport before you leave.
Now as good lawyers you will be eager to find out about all things legal in Guernsey. I am writing this on holiday, so I will keep it brief.
Guernsey is not part of the United Kingdom, nor is it in the Common Market. It has its own legislature, judiciary and executive, but no political factions. English Acts of Parliament do not automatically apply to Guernsey, but usually have a provision empowering Her Majesty by Order in Council to extend any provision of the Act to Guernsey.
Our Parliament does not legislate for Guernsey in matters of taxation and any other matters which relate exclusively to the Insular authorities. This has enabled Guernsey not to have VAT and to set its income tax level at 20%.
There is a two tier house market - expensive for those who live and work there; but horrendously high-priced if you just want to buy a holiday home there.
Guernsey passes its own laws by a process which originates as a Projet de Loi which starts with one of the legislative committees or a Requete signed by at least seven inhabitants. Despite the French flavour Guernsey legislation is now drafted in English.
Just in case constitutional lawyers are becoming excited at the prospect of this route to legislative creativity, let me add that Guernsey cannot move legislation relating to such matters as succession to the throne, nationality, defence or fugitive offenders. Train robbers please note that you will still have to take longer flights.
Besides, none of this is the least bit relevant as you try to get from A to B in Guernsey. This is much more difficult than understanding its legal system. Roads are sunk below high walls. Signs are strictly rationed and are never there when you need them. On one occasion the Barr family succeeded in approaching the same cross-roads from all four directions, and we still did not know where we were. The only solution is to keep driving till you reach the sea and then turn right. You eventually (which in Guernsey terms means 15 minutes later) reach the main town, St. Peter Port.
But beware of the things which look like box junctions with the helpful instruction painted in front of it: "Filter in turn". What it means, as I nearly found out to the cost of the front bumper of our hired car, is that even if you think you are driving along a main road and see a little bit of a car waiting at the side, you give it priority because it got there first.
This is something which we should try urgently in England. It would guarantee that road traffic claims became as much of a lottery as medical negligence claims. No longer could success (or failure) be guaranteed by demonstrating that one driver had pulled out from a side road. ALL drivers would automatically say: "I got there first." Just think: no settlements and every whiplash in the country having to go to trial.
In the 1940s, according to the German Occupation Museum in Guernsey, a woman was sent to prison for saying "to hell with Hitler". I hope I will not suffer the same fate if I end by saying "to hell with the law". I award Guernsey a five star rating as a holiday spot - and a place to forget about things legal. It has plenty to do, boasts a fine local brew of beer, is convenient, not too expensive and its people are positively friendly (except to Hitler). For those who would like to end their days as something other than solicitors there are some rich possibilities - the Procureur, the Bailiff and Her Majesty's Greffier (Arise Greffier Barr - I like it). You could also become a law officer, but beware: if you do, your duties could include attending a birching. Now why did the word "judge" flash in my mind when I wrote that? After mudbaths, why not flagellation for our judiciary? We'll beat them into shape yet.

This article first appeared in Solicitors Journal in December 1994